On Love and Grief, Valentines Day

It’s here again - the day set aside to celebrate love ❤️

For me, St Valentine is a day of remembrance. I remember my beautiful grandmother, who brought me up. I remember her mother, who also passed on Valentine’s day. For many years after losing my grandmother, I couldn’t bear Valentine’s Day.

They say grief is love with no place to go. I’m not sure I agree. For me, grief was raw, painful, like a hole in my heart. I felt it so acutely, I wanted to howl like a wolf. It didn’t feel like love. Twenty-one years on, the grief is still there. But today it felt really different.

Today, as I remembered her, and it made me feel happy. It felt more like nostalgia than melancholy. It felt warmer, more like love, rather than just pain. Valentine’s Day is always going to be the day that I lost the woman who was a mother to me. But it’s also the day I remember her, raise a glass, and take a moment to be grateful she was in my life. And now I can smile too.

I often express what I feel through art, and I hope you can see the transition. On the left, is what my grief felt like.

On the right, is what it feels like now (and I never imagined it could).

Whatever you are up to today, I hope that love is present in your day in some way. A thought, a hug, a memory.

And if you are not on the receiving end, maybe give it to someone that needs it instead - it feels just as good.

Much love from me to you x