The story behind “Turning Towards”

This piece is called "Turning Towards". It's an ode to the Gottman’s , and the amazing research they have done into relationships over the last 40 years.

Did you know they can accurately predict if a couple will stay together within 15 minutes, with 83% accuracy? Totally fascinating. I became a fan of the method, after our wonderful marriage therapist used it. It was 4 years ago, and the absolute best thing we ever did, for best part of a year. I loved the process so much, I trained as a couples coach myself ( but that’s another story).

Back to the Art. What exactly does Turning Towards mean? In Gottman's words -

"State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationships".

Basically, it's the little things. The day-to-day moments (and not just with couples). The moments when we could be defensive, or self-absorbed in our problems, but instead we turn towards our partner or loved one (instead of turning away). "Bids" are attempts from one person to another for affection, affirmation, or attention.

See those glorious sunflowers? They are tired, feeling lackluster, and a bit fed up. But they are also hopeful. Hopeful because they continue to turn towards each other. They retain their connection, which makes them feel safe, and loved. Even when life feels a bit rubbish, they remain strong, and a team. Turning Towards is one of the secrets of long-term relationship survival.